She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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