can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
