Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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