I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
