You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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