Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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