A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
