why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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