I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
