Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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