Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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