I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
