I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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