I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
