so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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