Yo dont text me then not text me
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
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