For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
