i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
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The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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