He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
