how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
