Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize