i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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