She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
