I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
