my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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