so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They have beer where we have blood.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
