garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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