how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
