Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize