I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
