I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
