he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
