I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
