My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
