I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
