Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
