Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
