I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
