wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
