You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
