im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
did you just send me my own nude
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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