the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
