He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
