My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
