He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
