so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
