somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
