he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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