You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
