He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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