if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
