you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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