the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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