Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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