He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
