ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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