Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
