You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
