My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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