glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.