We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
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if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
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I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I can see the future and your future is full of penis