Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first

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(831): View more from California

There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years

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(417): View more from Missouri

Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(819): View more from Quebec

its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger

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(516): View more from New York

I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume

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(760): View more from California

I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying

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(970): View more from Colorado

I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.

(1-970): View more from Colorado

Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.

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