For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.