Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Everyone says I win the strip club
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.