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Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.