Texts From Last Night

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  (518): View more from New York

  I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty

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  (518): I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty http://tfl.nu/4081
  Replies (5) Good night (849) Bad night (1648)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series

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  (510): I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series http://tfl.nu/wka4
  Replies (95) Good night (1199) Bad night (3677)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.

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  (843): Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT. http://tfl.nu/52hv
  Replies (39) Good night (5175) Bad night (696)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  can I come stay the night

  (217): View more from Illinois

  yeah, but no sex tonight

  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'll stay home

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  (810): can I come stay the night (217): yeah, but no sex tonight (810): I'll stay home http://tfl.nu/tu8g
  Replies (34) Good night (2522) Bad night (8312)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America

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  (615): I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/yesg
  Replies (20) Good night (4323) Bad night (1029)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now

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  (785): Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now http://tfl.nu/nbd3
  Replies (2) Good night (3837) Bad night (959)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you

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  (740): I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you http://tfl.nu/cn0s
  Replies (19) Good night (2996) Bad night (1873)
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  (209): View more from California

  This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!

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  (209): This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ! http://tfl.nu/qsnl
  Replies (7) Good night (1942) Bad night (681)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops

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  (610): yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops http://tfl.nu/nsjn
  Replies (5) Good night (799) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  Oh god. Standing was a rash decision

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...

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  (914): Oh god. Standing was a rash decision (847): I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes... http://tfl.nu/8xp2
  Replies (1) Good night (1510) Bad night (602)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

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  (860): He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/3zeb
  Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (468)
• Favorite

  (323): View more from California

  Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis

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  (323): Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis http://tfl.nu/u0al
  Replies (3) Good night (583) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.

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  (501): Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date. http://tfl.nu/kb0j
  Replies (1) Good night (317) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...

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  (913): my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball... http://tfl.nu/m00r
  Replies (0) Good night (336) Bad night (192)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."

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  (586): Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning." http://tfl.nu/d8f9
  Replies (1) Good night (322) Bad night (113)

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