I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots