Texts From Last Night

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  (352): View more from Florida

  You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.

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  (352): You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/vzqd
  Replies (8) Good night (3595) Bad night (585)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him

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  (616): Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him http://tfl.nu/azjb
  Replies (50) Good night (1890) Bad night (4753)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights

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  (812): woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights http://tfl.nu/5oxk
  Replies (16) Good night (1120) Bad night (2752)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar

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  (580): I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar http://tfl.nu/19bx
  Replies (6) Good night (989) Bad night (2068)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.

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  (917): But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting. http://tfl.nu/vtlx
  Replies (6) Good night (1973) Bad night (590)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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  (217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an
  Replies (18) Good night (2767) Bad night (2352)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.

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  (701): I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this. http://tfl.nu/2wr9
  Replies (1) Good night (1505) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed

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  (562): well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed http://tfl.nu/ggi5
  Replies (13) Good night (2119) Bad night (663)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.

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  (254): By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook. http://tfl.nu/9v3n
  Replies (8) Good night (1986) Bad night (549)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.

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  (207): This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand. http://tfl.nu/o8tl
  Replies (5) Good night (385) Bad night (1396)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."

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  (617): I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..." http://tfl.nu/x7hv
  Replies (1) Good night (704) Bad night (344)
• Favorite

  (408): View more from California

  I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?

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  (408): I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win? http://tfl.nu/gfqe
  Replies (12) Good night (726) Bad night (294)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.

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  (336): Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net. http://tfl.nu/v16i
  Replies (0) Good night (441) Bad night (477)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years

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  (256): She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years http://tfl.nu/rsfn
  Replies (4) Good night (392) Bad night (470)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH

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  (865): I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH http://tfl.nu/s3s4
  Replies (4) Good night (576) Bad night (273)

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