we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
