why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
