Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
