ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
