I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
