my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
