You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
