Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who did Billy Mays play for?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
