So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
