Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
