I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
