I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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