i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
