We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
