I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
