I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
