the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
