First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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