Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Randomize
