Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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