Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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