so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
