im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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